When I was pregnant I had begun to have serious doubts that all the suffering of pregnancy and the looming responsabilities of parenthood might not be worth giving up many of the freedoms of adulthood that I enjoyed. I began to look at my delivery date as the day when life would be over as I knew it and as such, tried to "live it up" as much as I could hanging out with friends and savoring my hobbies, etc. But now that I have met Pearl and have had the pleasure of her company for the past 4 days, I have concluded that life actually began for me when she came out. I have felt more intense love and complete peace from parenthood than ever in my life. My love for Bryan has been augmented and she has found a place in our family that seems like it was always there for her. I think I can finally begin to understand what parents mean when they say that raising kids is the greatest of life's joys.
On a different note, my delivery was definately unexpected and the c-section was not what I wanted, but I have come to terms with it and am just glad to not be pregnant, even though it feels like my abs are on fire when I try to use them for anything. They extracted little Pearl from my st
omach and weren't able to show her to me until just before they wisked her away to the NICU to treat her underdeveloped lungs. This didn't even bother me because I felt so much overwhealming peace that she was safe and all was relatively well. They laid her next to my head so I could see her and kiss her good-bye and I began to cry from happiness. The docs who were sewing me up all popped up in surprise thinking I was in pain, but the nurses calmed them down reassuring them I was just emotional. When I kissed her, I thought her skin was the softest thing I had ever touched in my life. The word precious doesn't even do her justice. Here is a pic with Pearl wearing her "going home" outfit from the hospital when she tried out her carseat for the first time: I have had a great time taking daddy-daughter pics since Bryan loves to snuggle with her so much. 
Just to be fair, here's one of me looking slightly bedraggled after my fis
t day home. 
9 comments:
so sweet. glad you read this email. i wonder if i will feel the same way when the day comes, however your post was reassuring! thanks!
Just now, even as my 10 month old baby fusses and is cranky because of his pending bed time, I still love being a Mommy. It is so funny how memories of life before kids fade. They go pretty fast and we wonder if we ever lived w/o our kids. ;)
"Life actually began for me when she came out." Amen to that Nat. Congratulations, I'm glad all is well. You sound remarkably good, especially for having been home only a few days. I'm really happy for you.
Congratulations Pearl is so beautiful! So are your words... It's so wonderful to hear from others lips how I feel about being a parent. Take lots of pictures you will be so glad that you did!
She is so sweet, and truly an angel. I am anxious to meet her.
Linda
Congratulations Bryan and Natalie!!! We are really excited for you. I found your blog through Natalia - hope that's alright. Pearl is so beautiful and I LOVE her name. You have great taste!
Katie Kindred
oh my heck! it's really you two! this is ingrid from little L-town. Pearl is such a cutie! congrats! i hope things are going well.
The best part, hands down, of new fatherhood is the sleeping on your chest part. Farrah and I would take shifts and mine was the middle of the night, so I would lay on the couch with her on my chest from about 12 to 4. There are highlights almost daily as they grow, but that is the part I miss the most.
I felt the same way about life just beginning after I had Penelope. It's hard at times, but I wouldn't ever want it any other way. Just wait until Pearl can talk, she'll make you laugh and smile so much.
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